So I guess we should start out at the beginning. I was baptized into the Christian church when I was a baby by my parents as a Roman Catholic. I don't really remember going to church that much when I was younger. What I do remember though was that I cried every time that my mom did try to bring me as a little girl. I'd cry until my mom let us leave. There was just something that didn't make me feel right. In 1st grade, I started going to religion classes at our church. I don't really have too many memories of the classes, but one of my first memories happened in either 1st or 2nd grade. A friend and I were talking about how I could see spirits. When I was younger, I was actually able to see them just as clearly as a living being, and to this day can still sometimes see or hear them. My gift has gone away significantly as I've gotten older, but I would like to be able to tap into it again. But as we were talking about this, the teacher asked the class a question (that I can't remember) and my friend raised her hand. When the teacher called on her, she announced to the class that I could see ghosts. I just remember the teacher looking at me with a very stern face and told me that ghosts weren't real and if I thought that they we, that I was giving into the devils tricks. I didn't realize that being able to communicate with those that had passed was a "sin." If that had happened to me now, I would have just shrugged it off, but as a little girl, it really got to me.
I think it was also around that time that I had first seen the movie Scooby-Doo and the Witch's Ghost; which to this day is still one of my favorite movies. For those of you that don't know, there are characters that are Wiccans (The Hex Girls). There are also those that practice black magic. There are quite a few inaccuracies in the movie, but I give them props for trying. But ever since seeing that movie, I had always been obsessed with The Hex Girls. One reason was because I wanted to be a famous singer, but secondly, I was intrigued by the idea of a Wiccan. I remember always trying to cast spells with different herbs I stole from the kitchen in this birdbath that we have out front of my house that is carved and painted to look like a tree trunk. I've also always been really interested in the Salem Witch Trials and witchcraft and the occult growing up. I still am actually. I've also always had Halloween as my favorite holiday which will make a little more sense later.
But back to my experience in my religion classes. As I went to more classes throughout the years, I learned that more and more of what I believed was not accepted by the Christian church. Other than believing in spirits, I also believed in reincarnation, didn't really believe in Hell or Satan, and I questioned a lot of the teachings in the Bible and the religion. Since I had gotten in trouble for believing in spirits, and didn't like getting in trouble, I just sat quietly and never voiced my beliefs. Because I never felt like I belonged, and like I was a "sinner" for believing what I did, I never liked going to religion classes. I always felt like I was going to get in trouble if I questioned something, or for just believing what I did.
But I still wanted to try and be a good, little Catholic girl because that's what I thought I had to be in order to be happy. For a couple years at the end of elementary school, and the first year or two in middle school, I tried going to church a couple times, tried reading the bible, and tried to pray to the Christian God. But it never felt right to me. I have heard stories from people who have "been saved by God" and who seem very happy within the Christian faith and I wanted to feel that happiness too. But I never did. When I listened to the teachings of the Bible and Jesus, and watched how people within the church treated others, I saw that there were a lot of contradictions. And I know that everyone practices the religion differently, but like I said, this was just how I was viewing things at the time. And I do still see many people like this out there. But ever since I started going to religion classes and learning about what it meant to be a Christian, the number one takeaway that I always had was that "God" loved everyone just as they were and that we were supposed to do the same. Where I started to dislike the religion, was when they started telling us all of the different ways that we were "sinners" and how they treated certain "sinners." This is mainly referring to homosexuals, transgenders, people of other religions, premarital sex, etc. To me, that made me feel like a horrible person. And what made it even worse, was that they made us do Confession. Of course I never actually told the priest anything. I'd always just say something like I lied to my parents, or I was mean to my brother. To me, I didn't need to tell some guy my "sins" if "God" already knew them. That made no sense to me. They said that the priest was not supposed to judge me for any of my "sins" but it's human nature to judge, and I didn't want him to know anything about me.
I know a lot of people who take serenity and peace in different verses in the Bible, but when I read them, they make me feel worse than I was before. To me, a lot of the posts show "God" as a being who is here just to punish us for being human. They put him in a light that makes people fear him, and that's what I see throughout the religion as well. I don't want to believe in a god that is just here to punish its creations because its mad at something. I want to believe in a god that is loving and doesn't judge anyone. So that was one thing that always made me uncomfortable with the Christian religion: many churches try to instill fear into its followers through things like Hell and Satan.
So by high school, I started becoming kind of spiteful towards the Christian church which only grew more in college. Once I started speaking out more about my beliefs and seeing how many of the Christian extremists were treating others, I actually started to hate the Christian church. I was always taught to love people no matter what and to treat them with respect and how I wanted to be treated, but then I see how people of my faith were treating homosexuals. I hated it. There are a lot of things that I feel strongly about that many Christians are fighting against and I began to hate those people because of it.
In high school, I began to tell people that I was Agnostic and didn't really affiliate myself with the Catholic faith. For those that don't know, an Agnostic, according to the dictionary is "a person who believes that nothing is known or can be known of the existence or nature of God or of anything beyond material phenomena; a person who claims neither faith nor disbelief in God." I still believed in a higher power, but didn't want to call myself a Christian. My mom still made me go to religion classes and I did end up getting confirmed into the Roman Catholic church, but it wasn't actually something that I wanted to do.
Then in college, where my hatred for the Catholic church and frustration with my spirituality were at it's highest, I started meeting people of different belief systems and also people that were Atheists. Since there were more people who were open-minded about other beliefs, I finally started telling people exactly what I believed. It was kind of a confusing mess for a couple years, because I didn't really have any name to what I was describing which would make it easier for people. So I just told them this: I didn't believe in "God" because to me, "God" was a separate entity to the universe and to us, but I wasn't an Atheist either. To me, there is a higher power, but they are the universe itself and within every living and non-living thing on this planet and when we die, our energy and our soul just gets recycled back into the energy of the universe. I don't believe in Heaven, Hell or Satan. I do believe in angels and demons, but I do not believe that humans can become them, nor can they become humans; they are their own separate being. I believe that once we die, we just become reincarnated, but there is a place where our souls can rest in-between lives. I also believe very strongly in Karma and Yin-and-Yang. All of that was very confusing for most people to understand, and it had kind of frustrated me that I didn't really had a name for it. There were a few people that had tried to tell me that I was just confused, and that it was a stage I was going through, or a test that "God" was putting me through. But I had always believed like that ever since I could remember.
My Freshman year of college I took a Native American religion class at my university. I absolutely fell in love with the class because it was the closest to my beliefs that I had found in another religion. I wasn't planning to convert or anything, but it made me feel like I finally belonged and made me feel proud of my beliefs. But I still didn't have a name for what I was. And I know that I didn't need one, but it was still something that I struggled with when people asked me what religion I followed and I didn't want to say that I was Agnostic anymore.
Finally on October 31, 2014, I decided that I wanted to actually look into what it meant to be a Wiccan and what the teachings of the religion were. I had taken a class a class called Myth, Rituals and Religion which I had thought would talk about Wicca, but we never really touched on that religion. Voodoo, but never Wicca. So on Halloween of last year, I went to Barnes and Nobel and bought 2 books on Wicca. True Magick by Amber K is more focused on the overall religion itself, while The Wicca Handbook by Eileen Holland focuses more on the actual spell aspect of Wicca. And not all Wiccans practice magick; some just choose to practice the beliefs. |
Even though I got the books on Halloween, and I had decided that I wanted to become a Wiccan, I didn't actually start reading the books and doing research on it until December where I discovered that it was exactly what I believed. I didn't realize it, but all along when I was telling people what I believed, I was describing Wicca. But I kind of put it on hold while I was studying abroad. I left most of the stuff that people had given me at home (other than my tarots) so that I would not lose it, and I also didn't think that I would have time to really do anything with it. In March I started reading tarots and March 21st I had performed my first spell. There is a blog if you are interested in hearing about how that |
It wasn't until this summer that I really started practicing it however. Maria had been telling me throughout the semester that she had two friends that are Wiccans and that she would take me to a ceremony if I was ever interested. I didn't go during the semester because I didn't feel like I had enough time. Looking back on it though, I really wish I had gone throughout the semester, but not really anything I can do about it now. But going to the ceremonies and practicing a religion that I finally feel like I belong is such a great feeling! The coven that has adopted me here is incredible. They are so open and loving and they are there for me whenever I have any questions about anything. I am going miss them so much when I'm gone. I know that's when all of the questions will start pouring out of me because I'll be practicing as a solitary witch again.
But I have learned so much about myself through the different ceremonies that I have attended, and also kind of verified all of the things that I already knew. Again, I know that I don't need anyone else to verify me to make it real, but it's just kind of nice.
As I have said in previous blogs, I learned that my obsession with mermaids probably had something to do with the fact that my protector is a mermaid. Because of this, our High Priestess, which we call Cuqui, told me to get something that I could wear as an amulet of protection. I have an anklet that I made with 2 little mermaid charms but I know I won't be wearing it that much once I have to start wearing pants so I also bought a ring that I will be able to wear all the time. They're going to help me cleanse the amulet today, but I need to learn how to cleanse this one once I'm back since that's when I'll be getting it. I also just really love this ring because she has the moon behind her and the moon is a |
very important being in Wicca. I feel like I get most of my energy from the moon actually. The moon is also the Goddess. One of her symbols is two crescent moons and a full moon. It's actually the symbol that is pictured at the beginning of this blog. Because the mermaid is my protector and I've always been obsessed with them, I want to get one tattooed on me. I know my mom is probably going to disapprove of getting another tattoo, but I don't plan on getting it for another few months or so. But I also just kind of want something that can also symbolize my Wiccan faith as well and this is the perfect way for me to do it without getting a pentagram. I'm very proud of wearing the |
Another thing that I had validated was that I am an old soul. The last ceremony that I went to, they told me that I am a king 3 which means that I was one of the earliest souls created. But I had always felt like a very old soul, so I had already known that. Lastly (and to me) most importantly, I learned that I am a natural-born witch. This means that I was a witch in a past life. One of the Wiccans told Maria that when they were cleansing me at the first ceremony that they saw the witch in me.
Now I am going to explain what Wiccans believe. First of all, Wicca is the religion of nature. That's kind of how I like to describe it. We believe in the power and the energies of nature that we can harness in order to get a certain outcome during a spell. In a way it's kind of like praying, but we don't ask a god to make it happen; we use our own power and do it ourself. We do ask the different gods and goddesses to help us, but most of it is coming from within us. The Goddess is the main power (depending on what branch you follow), but she has both feminine and masculine forces (like yin-and-yang). She isn't a separate being to the universe but is actually the universe itself. Because she has both feminine and masculine forces, the God is an extension from her. If you follow the Dianic branch they only believe in the Goddess and not the God. But all other gods and goddesses are then just some extension from the Goddess. We also believe in what is called the Threefold Rule which states that whatever you send out into the universe, you get back three times as strong. So it's like Karma but better, or worse, depending on what you send out into the universe.
This is actually the Wiccan Rede. It's the number one rule that we as Wiccans must follow. It says, "Bide the Wiccan Law ye must, in perfect love and perfect trust. Eight words the Wiccan Rede fulfil; An' ye harm none, do what ye will. What ye send forth comes back to thee, so ever mind the Rule of Three. Follow this with mind and heart, Merry ye meet and merry ye part." So In other, do whatever you want as long as it doesn't harm anyone. That's one thing that I love about the Wiccan religion: You can pretty much believe in whatever Gods and Goddesses you want, and practice however you want, as long as you're not harming anyone. They are also very accepting of other religions, which has helped me a lot, and of all people. It doesn't matter if you're male, female, black, white, Asian, gay, straight, trans, cis, everyone is treated equally. I might have missed something, but I'm running out of time |
As I said at the beginning of this post, I decided to write this because of a reading that I had gotten today. This was my reading:
Blessed Be
Ericka
And just in case you are interested in our holidays, here is just a little bit about them. I'm sure you'll notice that a lot of the holidays are the same as Christian holidays. Also, Halloween is an important holiday in the Wiccan world but we call it Samhain. That's why I talked about Halloween being my favorite holiday in the beginning.