Now for anyone who knows me, they know that I do a lot of self-reflecting (which can sometimes get me into trouble). But I've been doing a lot of reflecting lately so this is going to be a kind of ramble blog if you would like to just skip over it. I've had many memories wash over me recently that bring back with them emotions that I think I need to acknowledge. First it was just homesickness from missing my friends and family which turned into nostalgia for my time on the trails at school which then turned into a strong sense of loss(?) or longing for the days when I could just flow for hours. These feelings have kind of been overwhelming me and kind of taking over other parts of my life so this is going to be my attempt at working through them all and sorting them out. I've been noticing that my confidence has been lacking lately and I'm sure part of it is the feelings that have been overtaking me. Because I'm feeling them so strongly, I'm feeling as if I'm not really accomplishing anything; although I will be having a very busy and exciting week coming up. This weekend (Friday, Saturday and Sunday) I have a workshop that I'm going to, as I said in my last blog, Tuesday through Thursday we will finally be going to Culebra, that Saturday I am going to yet another Wiccan ceremony, and then Tuesday the 28th we are going to the bioluminescent bay in Fajardo. As I said: I'm going to be super busy and I am so excited for that! I know that I need to be able to clear my head.
Now there are a few factors as to why these feelings and memories are popping into my brain now. First of all: I have become so incredibly homesick. I guess I didn't realize how long of a time 6 months away from home would be; and I still have 24 more days to go! Although I'm sure I will not be thinking about that at all next week because I won't have any time to. Secondly: I haven't really been able to hoop at all since it's so hot. I end up only being able to hoop for about 10 minutes, which almost makes it worse than if I didn't hoop at all. But when I do try and do any form of exercise that is not near water, I end up feeling nauseous no matter the amount of water that I drink. I've also been getting a lot of headaches since being here. I think I'm going to have to start living on chamomile tea since that seems to help. But thirdly: I haven't been as busy as I was hoping to be. Time always flies by when you are doing stuff and having fun, which is why I'm looking forward to this upcoming week. I realized after telling a couple friends about my current life, I only have about a week and a half after this upcoming week until I leave. I guess when I write everything down and actually look at it, it doesn't seem like much time at all! And lastly: I've been listening to Nahko and Medicine for the People lately because I saw a video of a girl hooping to them and got sucked in again.
I've talked about this in an earlier blog, but they are the group that always brings about a wave of memories and emotions to me. The very first hoop video I ever saw were to people dancing to them, and I have made a lot of videos hooping to them, so I can't help but think of hooping when I listen to them. I'm also the type of person that gets obsessed with a band and listens to nothing but that band for the longest time so I also think of all the memories that were made during those times that I compulsively listened to them. Of course this adds to my homesickness because those times were back home when I would wake up and drink a cup of coffee before going for a walk on the trails with my hoop and my journal. I really miss those times. Maybe I shouldn't have sent home my journal. Although I really don't think it'd be the same without writing in it on the trails. I know my summers end up turning into some of the loneliest times because of the lack of people on campus, but I really miss walking on the trails. I always used to bring my journal and my hoop and walk for hours. My favorite days were those that I would walk to the BP right next to campus and buy an iced coffee as a treat to myself. I could just never be upset while surrounded by nature. It's so weird to miss a place as much as I do, but I guess that's when you know that you're a total flower child.
Now there are a few factors as to why these feelings and memories are popping into my brain now. First of all: I have become so incredibly homesick. I guess I didn't realize how long of a time 6 months away from home would be; and I still have 24 more days to go! Although I'm sure I will not be thinking about that at all next week because I won't have any time to. Secondly: I haven't really been able to hoop at all since it's so hot. I end up only being able to hoop for about 10 minutes, which almost makes it worse than if I didn't hoop at all. But when I do try and do any form of exercise that is not near water, I end up feeling nauseous no matter the amount of water that I drink. I've also been getting a lot of headaches since being here. I think I'm going to have to start living on chamomile tea since that seems to help. But thirdly: I haven't been as busy as I was hoping to be. Time always flies by when you are doing stuff and having fun, which is why I'm looking forward to this upcoming week. I realized after telling a couple friends about my current life, I only have about a week and a half after this upcoming week until I leave. I guess when I write everything down and actually look at it, it doesn't seem like much time at all! And lastly: I've been listening to Nahko and Medicine for the People lately because I saw a video of a girl hooping to them and got sucked in again.
I've talked about this in an earlier blog, but they are the group that always brings about a wave of memories and emotions to me. The very first hoop video I ever saw were to people dancing to them, and I have made a lot of videos hooping to them, so I can't help but think of hooping when I listen to them. I'm also the type of person that gets obsessed with a band and listens to nothing but that band for the longest time so I also think of all the memories that were made during those times that I compulsively listened to them. Of course this adds to my homesickness because those times were back home when I would wake up and drink a cup of coffee before going for a walk on the trails with my hoop and my journal. I really miss those times. Maybe I shouldn't have sent home my journal. Although I really don't think it'd be the same without writing in it on the trails. I know my summers end up turning into some of the loneliest times because of the lack of people on campus, but I really miss walking on the trails. I always used to bring my journal and my hoop and walk for hours. My favorite days were those that I would walk to the BP right next to campus and buy an iced coffee as a treat to myself. I could just never be upset while surrounded by nature. It's so weird to miss a place as much as I do, but I guess that's when you know that you're a total flower child.
So I tried putting up this blog yesterday but I was having problems focusing and ended up just looking through old posts on Facebook from freshman year which then turned into watching old YouTube videos of me hooping. I think it happens every summer where I look back on old posts to see how much everything changed and to bring back old memories that made me happy or laugh. I do wish that I more easily could just live in the present, but I tend to go back to the past when I'm not busy doing stuff. But on the other hand, when i watch my old videos, or other videos that inspired me to pick up hula hooping in the first place, it helps me to get back into it more passionately. As of right now I just can't really do too much about it which kind of sucks. It's always interesting to see the different phases that I go through in hooping, and just in life in general. I think another reason that the nostalgia is washing over me so strongly is because I know I'll be going home soon, but I also know how different everything will be. I really did pick the weirdest time to study abroad. Oh well, nothing I can do about it now. Only 24 more days and I will be on a plane heading home. I know I'm going to look back and miss my time here once I get into the groove of things back home but I'm definitely excited to go back to my Wisconsin life. It's getting to be time.
XOXO Ericka
XOXO Ericka