Well I definitely have a lot to catch up on, so I'm going to be writing 2 blogs about the past week. This blog will be about the workshop that I attended Friday, Saturday and Sunday with the achievement nigh on Monday. I can't say too much because of confidentiality reasons, but I will try to say as much as possible. Tomorrow's blog will be about our adventures in Culebra. And yes, it FINALLY happened!
So as I said in previous blogs, I was supposed to take this workshop last month but chickened out at the last minute because I wasn't ready. But I'm so glad that I finally went, and so grateful to Maria for telling me about it and then allowing me to do it at my own pace. There were definitely some rough times and I hated the lack of sleep that I got, but it was totally worth it. So the workshop was 3 days: Friday from 10am-10pmish with registration at 8 am, Saturday from 10 am-10pmish, and Sunday from 10 am-8pmish, but we had to be there 2 hours early because Maria was on staff. The first day was probably the roughest because of how early I had to get up, but the other 2 days were the most intense. I don't think I can really choose which day was more intense just due to the types of exercises that we had to do. Like I said, due to confidentiality reasons, I am not actually allowed to talk about the exercises so I will just be telling you about how I felt during it and what I got out of the weekend.
Before this weekend, I had such a lack of confidence in myself and my abilities. I have definitely grown so much as a person since being here in Puerto Rico and taking some of the risks that I did, but there were still those voices in my mind telling me that I couldn't do it. These voices affect many different parts of my life and I am going to continue to fight to beat them, but this workshop helped me to silence them a bit. A huge part of it was that I just spent 4 days not only surviving in almost complete Spanish, but flourishing in it. That boosted my confidence a ton! And I still have those voices that try to tell me that my Spanish sucks and that I'll never be fluent, but then I tell them that I spent an entire weekend speaking in Spanish. I will no longer let them tell me that I can't do it, because I just proved that I can. I've also been proving since I got here that I can take risks and I am stronger than I think I am. I just have to start believing it. I know it took me too long to figure it out, but this weekend I learned that I no longer want to be a victim. I want to start believing in myself and being confident. I want to live in true positivity. I just need to add my own voice to those in my head: one that tells me loving things.
I'm very curious to see what my therapist sees in me and the changes I have made since being here. I am definitely not the same person I was 6 months ago. I'm not event he same person I was a week ago. And I finally believe what everyone has been telling me for years. I still might have some confidence problems, but I'm going to work on the roots of those at therapy once I get back. But I think I'm finally coming close to the finish line. I have come a long way since being here, and I know I have a bit to go, but I have never been so close to the light at the end of the tunnel as I am right now.
There are two more things that I would like to talk about before I share a bunch of pictures from awards night. First, I have never been in a place filled with so much love before. I could literally see the energy in the air. I think that's why I felt so comfortable there. Even though it was not in my first language, I didn't feel as if anyone would judge me for making a mistake. And everyone was so willing to help each other out and talk to each other. There was also so much hugging! I felt like that scene from the Grinch where his heart grows like 3 sizes. I don't know how it even fit in my chest anymore because it felt too big for my body. I really don't think I have ever gotten so many hugs in such a short amount of time. But these people really did feel like they became my family. I feel nothing but love for all of them.
But seriously, I can't even put into words how grateful I am for this weekend. I may have been afraid and uncomfortable at first, but I broke out of my comfort zone and flourished. This may have sounded like a lot of rambling to anyone who has never had such an eye opening experience, and I'm sure it would be more rambling if I tried to explain exactly how I feel, so I'm just going to stop this blog here and get on with all of the fun pictures. But to those who experienced the workshop with me, they'll understand where my heart is right now.
XOXO Ericka
So as I said in previous blogs, I was supposed to take this workshop last month but chickened out at the last minute because I wasn't ready. But I'm so glad that I finally went, and so grateful to Maria for telling me about it and then allowing me to do it at my own pace. There were definitely some rough times and I hated the lack of sleep that I got, but it was totally worth it. So the workshop was 3 days: Friday from 10am-10pmish with registration at 8 am, Saturday from 10 am-10pmish, and Sunday from 10 am-8pmish, but we had to be there 2 hours early because Maria was on staff. The first day was probably the roughest because of how early I had to get up, but the other 2 days were the most intense. I don't think I can really choose which day was more intense just due to the types of exercises that we had to do. Like I said, due to confidentiality reasons, I am not actually allowed to talk about the exercises so I will just be telling you about how I felt during it and what I got out of the weekend.
Before this weekend, I had such a lack of confidence in myself and my abilities. I have definitely grown so much as a person since being here in Puerto Rico and taking some of the risks that I did, but there were still those voices in my mind telling me that I couldn't do it. These voices affect many different parts of my life and I am going to continue to fight to beat them, but this workshop helped me to silence them a bit. A huge part of it was that I just spent 4 days not only surviving in almost complete Spanish, but flourishing in it. That boosted my confidence a ton! And I still have those voices that try to tell me that my Spanish sucks and that I'll never be fluent, but then I tell them that I spent an entire weekend speaking in Spanish. I will no longer let them tell me that I can't do it, because I just proved that I can. I've also been proving since I got here that I can take risks and I am stronger than I think I am. I just have to start believing it. I know it took me too long to figure it out, but this weekend I learned that I no longer want to be a victim. I want to start believing in myself and being confident. I want to live in true positivity. I just need to add my own voice to those in my head: one that tells me loving things.
I'm very curious to see what my therapist sees in me and the changes I have made since being here. I am definitely not the same person I was 6 months ago. I'm not event he same person I was a week ago. And I finally believe what everyone has been telling me for years. I still might have some confidence problems, but I'm going to work on the roots of those at therapy once I get back. But I think I'm finally coming close to the finish line. I have come a long way since being here, and I know I have a bit to go, but I have never been so close to the light at the end of the tunnel as I am right now.
There are two more things that I would like to talk about before I share a bunch of pictures from awards night. First, I have never been in a place filled with so much love before. I could literally see the energy in the air. I think that's why I felt so comfortable there. Even though it was not in my first language, I didn't feel as if anyone would judge me for making a mistake. And everyone was so willing to help each other out and talk to each other. There was also so much hugging! I felt like that scene from the Grinch where his heart grows like 3 sizes. I don't know how it even fit in my chest anymore because it felt too big for my body. I really don't think I have ever gotten so many hugs in such a short amount of time. But these people really did feel like they became my family. I feel nothing but love for all of them.
But seriously, I can't even put into words how grateful I am for this weekend. I may have been afraid and uncomfortable at first, but I broke out of my comfort zone and flourished. This may have sounded like a lot of rambling to anyone who has never had such an eye opening experience, and I'm sure it would be more rambling if I tried to explain exactly how I feel, so I'm just going to stop this blog here and get on with all of the fun pictures. But to those who experienced the workshop with me, they'll understand where my heart is right now.
XOXO Ericka