I am finally done with my Anthropology paper! This has seriously been the most stressful paper I have every written. I have been working on this and a couple other projects for the past couple of weeks--although the projects are all done and now so is the paper. But as I said before: When I get stressed and know that I have a lot of stuff to do, I don't do anything to relieve that stress because I think that I can't do anything fun until I finish the "important" stuff. So this gets me into a vicious cycle because i get stressed out by everything that I have to do and then I don't hoop or do anything to relieve that stress and then I get even more stressed and then it just eventually overtakes me like tonight. I got done with my paper and decided to pick up my hoop and actually try to have a flow session because I haven't really had one in a couple of weeks and I was just getting so frustrated because my flow is off and I couldn't get into it. I've been having a really rough time lately with coping with my stress and it's made me lose my motivation to really do anything. I need to just do something fun with friends just to really lose myself and actually have a good time. Maybe then I can lose myself in the hoop. I just need to be happy and when I am in this state, being alone is not how I find my happiness. I remember last time I got this bad my therapist told me that I need to remember to keep hooping consistently as kind of a self-therapy thing and I didn't follow through. I also keep saying that I am going to consistently journal and work out but that hasn't happened either. I've been stuck on the same page in my journal for over a month. I've had about 30 pages left in it for almost 5 months. Last summer I was journalling and working out almost every day and now nothing. I know that I really need to get back into hooping because it really is one of the things that is always able to save me. I may stray away from it when I get stressed but I usually end up finding my way back to it but I just need to stay at it because that is when I am most happy. I need to try and remember that an hour is only 4% of my day. I can spare an hour to hoop every day and another hour to journal and maybe another hour to work out. I just really need to focus and I need to remember to put my health and my happiness first because I can't keep doing this to myself. I feel like I am losing my drive to hoop and that scares me. I look at all of these people that are improving so much lately and I just wonder, Why isn't that me? But I'm going to get back into it and I am going to make hooping a top priority again. Starting tomorrow I will take at least an hour out of my day to just hoop and lose myself. I'm just going to take that hour to practice and learn and grow as a hooper. I'm sorry this blog is pretty negative today but I just needed to get it all out. I'm sure once I start focusing on my health and my happiness and hooping again I will be back to my positive, happy self.
XOXO Ericka Rae
XOXO Ericka Rae